Stretching is for injured people.

I used to wake up an extra half-hour early to run an extra 4 miles before work.  Now I wake up an extra half-hour early to stretch my aching limbs before and after my runs.  It's so responsible.  And so pathetic.

I often tell people that my stretching routine is like a history book of every injury I've ever had.  The Incas tied knots in their Quipus to memorialize significant events; I add stretches to my routine to memorialize my painful injuries.  My history goes something like this:

- Elongate achilles, press against the wall (achilles tendons)
- Roll out hip to knee on the foam roller (IT bands, hamstrings)
- Side lunge and hold (groin, calves)
- Cross-legged stretches against the wall (lower back, right hip)
- And so on

A few more injuries, and I might have a well-rounded stretching routine!

Wednesday morning I ran a 10-mile "hill run."  Rosslyn's short, steep hills are the closest thing I have to a mountain, so I run up and down the hills to simulate something higher than a 100-foot climb.  As I was rolling out my IT bands on a foam roller afterward, a guy who recently had his knee replaced was attempting to (slowly) ride the exercise bike.  Whenever the pedals turned and his leg bent to a 90 degree angle, he cried out like someone was pulling out his fingernails.  After about 60 seconds of this, he stopped pedaling and leaned over the handlebars, weeping loudly.  (It was a little awkward, to say the least.)

I visited an orthopoedist a few years ago for stress fractures in my left tibia, and while I was waiting for my appointment, I innocently thumbed through a photo book of his previous patients.  The photos were actually of "chop & replace" knee and hip replacements.  It was possibly the most gruesome photo album ever created.  Robocop and Darth Vader still have more human parts than some of these patients.  When the doctor triumphantly sauntered into the room (the way that only doctors can), he saw my blank stare.  I told him, "I will never, ever run again."  He responded that "whether you will require knee or hip replacement in your future is all genetic - whether you run or not won't change your likelihood of joint replacement."  I took his advice like I would take candy from a dentist.  ("Some teeth are just genetically predisposed to cavities, so eat your candy!")

It is true, however, that some people are just built to run more efficiently and more trouble-free.  I have apparently passed on my substellar running form to my son.

The Kinetic Half-Ironman is only a few days away.  I always feel underprepared for this distance.  But the worst part about training for these events is the small breakdowns in joints, tendons, and muscles that are harmless in isolation, but that seem to accumulate and intensify over the weeks leading up to the race.  Friday I had intense pain in my heel -- possibly a warning shot from plantar fasciitis.  Saturday I had looseness in my right knee, and some swelling after my run on Monday. My forefeet hurt after my runs, my right achilles gives me an occasional "remember me?" and so on.

I'm never short on aerobic capacity or motivation -- just short on youth.