As I was stretching in the gym on Monday, minding my own business, I faced a painful moral dilemma. A fellow middle-age man (who I have never seen in the gym before) was engaged in a bizarre workout on the treadmill. He walked at an extremely slow speed -- I'm guessing 2.0 -- for a few minutes. Then he turned up the machine to Ludicrous Speed for about 2 minutes. This was not a speed at which he was "comfortably striding." In fact, he was obviously straining to keep up with the treadmill. His form was terrible too.
Look, I'm no Joe Friel, but I've been running for a few years, and I've witnessed good and bad form. His torso was centered so far behind his legs, I don't think his feet ever crossed beneath his glutes. It brought to mind my "low rider" days in High School when I used to recline my car seat back and crank the bass. Every time his legs came forward, you could almost hear the ligaments popping. Each footplant shook the treadmill.
After two minutes, he slowed down to speed 2.0, which is slower than most people walk in church. Here is my ethical/moral query: Am I obligated to say something to this man, who is clearly going to hurt himself? As a survivor of a few stupid overtraining injuries, do I owe it to the running community to say something? Or is it simply rude to interevene in a stranger's workout?
There are certain gentlemen's rules about running on treadmills. Well, at least I have rules, and I wish I could impose them on everyone else.
1) You don't look at my "dashboard." Ever. It's accepable to match me stride for stride, or to run for a few minutes longer than me, just to assert your place in the roost. After all, this is a virtual race, whether you like it or not. But if you look over, then set your speed for .1 mph faster, you are just being lame. (And no, I didn't look at your dashboard to know that you are running .1 mph faster. I'm a math genius.)
2) Don't talk to me. Unless you are hilarious, famous, genuinely interesting, or deity. Running in place for long periods of time is bad enough. It's worse when I have to listen to your analysis of DC weather or the stupid GOP primary.
3) Don't walk on treadmills while reading a paper. Seriously. You can walk around your house or the mall or the Elks Lodge. Treadmill time is scarce at the gym during winter months, and treadmills are for running (or at least for quick walking.)
4) Don't stand on the sides of the moving treadmill, pretending to change podcasts or respond to an urgent text. There is a pause button on every treadmill, and it's there for honest, self-respecting people.
Unfortunately, I don't have a rule for interventions. Most people in DC ascribe to the "laissez faire" or "laisser se tuer" ideology, and would likely say that it's none of my business. See if this changes your mind: I asked Mr. Lowrider what race he is training for (a compulsory question between two white dudes wearing running shoes). He replied that he set a new year's resolution to run 2 miles in 13 minutes. His plan was to run at a 6-min mile pace "interval" for a few hundred meters today, followed by a recovery interval, then try to run that pace for longer distances every day until he can run a full 2 miles at that speed. Though I am basically a math whiz, I didn't point out to him that he would achieve 2 miles in 12 minutes at that pace because I didn't want to encourage him.
I couldn't help myself. I said, "You have a very unique form. I've never seen anything like it." (Cue the gasps from laissez-faire nation.) His reply: "You know, I just bought these minimalist shoes to help me improve my form ..."
So I pose the moral dilemma to you: Do I have any obligation to say something?
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